Offer accepted
By Melissa Kirsch
This past week, true to my vow to continue engaging in summer activities until the equinox, I picked raspberries and flowers at a farm under the impossibly clear September sky. I was joined by my friend Aliza. I knew Aliza would be up for the outing because she operates on a policy that dictates if something is “on offer,” you should avail yourself of it. Of course, berry picking is not a hard sell. But I’ve been observing the way decision-making becomes simpler if you default to accepting what’s on offer: taking the slice of pie, staying out just a bit later, stopping at the strange little fair you happened to drive past. All tiny things one could easily decline, all things with potential for pleasure.
We spend a lot of time hemming and hawing, coming up with reasons we shouldn’t do things, even things that fall under the rubric of “Things We’d Probably Enjoy.” We decide not to try the dance class, afraid of looking foolish. We skip the picnic because we don’t know any of the people going. We consider the downsides and decide to stick with what’s familiar.
As much as I try to be a “yes person,” I have an unfortunate talent for turning opportunities into obligations. “It’s on offer” is such a gentle (and British) way of considering what’s available. I might decide I am, in fact, too tired or not interested in whatever’s on offer, but I’m examining the opportunity as an option, a gift, an offering — not viewing it as a problem.
“I think it’s a protection against regret, or too much judgment — often my go-to feelings,” Aliza said when I asked her about her position. She reminded me of a day this summer when we were wandering around a town we’d never been and came upon a run-down winery. A guy with a guitar was belting some off-key Jimmy Buffett covers on the patio. Should we stop and try some suspiciously inexpensive rosé? It was on offer! The wine was not great, but that wasn’t the point. By taking what was on offer, we took a departure. What could have been an otherwise unmemorable day was made indelible.
One should not, it seems worth noting, be doctrinaire about taking every single thing that’s on offer. Breadth of experience can come at the expense of depth, and what’s on offer could end up being expensive, or dangerous. I’m thinking of “take what’s on offer” as a default that can be overridden. It feels of a piece with a question I’ve taken to asking myself when I’m worried about something: “What if it all works out?” This is my attempt to shift my thinking from worst-case scenarios to best- or better-case ones. Being open to what’s on offer is similarly optimistic. This stand-up comedian could be terrible, this party could be boring, this offering could be one I will wish I’d refused. But it could also be great.
Link to original article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/06/briefing/offer-accepted.html
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