"Getting Shot"

Getting Shot

It’s not how you
expect it or even
want it to be
because at first,
there will be a strange kind
of excitement, ecstasy
or enlightenment
as your body realizes
this is something
right now, something
brand new, something
that’s never happened
before and will
alter your body,
your life forever.
You won’t see it coming,
you’ll only hear an
amateurish, hollow pop,
a sound as harmless
as the sound of your
toast popping up.
There will be an almost
immediate sense of relief
that it has finally
happened, this thing
that you feared and
could not allow.
Then your body will
welcome the bullet,
call it in like a
reluctant lover who
can’t say no
as the casing sinks in,
burrowing with such
savage single-mindedness.
You may lose a lot of blood,
you may lose just a little.
You may fall or slump or
you may be left standing.
You won’t know.
This shell may
pass through you like
an express train or
it may stop at
bone or organ with the
precision of an archer
hitting a target.
This moment will only
contain the cartridge,
there will be room
for nothing more.
You will understand
that your bullet is now,
it’s who you used to be
and where you’re going.
You may die,
you may not.
You won’t know.
You may implode or
you may become invisible.
You simply will not know.

©JEF 1997