*LGBT National Hotline: Call 888-843-4564 for confidential support and resources. This hotline is available Monday–Friday from 4 PM–12 AM ET and Saturday from 12 PM–5 PM ET.
*Youth LGBT Hotline: Call 800-246-7743 for confidential support and resources for youth 25 and under.
*Senior LGBT Hotline: Call 888-234-7243 for confidential support and resources for those 50 and above.
*Coming Out Support Hotline: Call 888-688-5428 (888-OUT-LGBT) for a safe space to discuss coming out.
*Trans Lifeline: Call 1-877-565-8860 for peer support from trans people. This hotline is available 24/7 in the United States.
*Trevor Project: Call 1-866-488-7386, text START to 678-678, or chat online.
*SAGE LGBT Elder Hotline: Call 1-877-360-LGBT (5428) to connect with friendly responders.
*National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call or text 988 for crisis or suicide support. This service is available 24/7 anywhere in the United States.
*THRIVE Lifeline: Text "oSTEM" to +1 (313) 662-8209 for text-based crisis support.
Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts
Monday, June 2, 2025
Tuesday, May 28, 2024
"Thumbs Up" by The Howl & The Hum
Here's another wonderful, touching song that addresses the problem of young men and depression and suicide, all stemming from a stifling, damaging, traditional masculinity (please do take a few minutes to hear and see Sam Fender's devastating song "Dead Boys" previously here.)
Singer-songwriter Sam Griffiths spoke about the song:
"'Thumbs Up' is the confession that us men don’t know how to talk to other men about important stuff...This song was written in the silence after suicides of friends, during depressive episodes, and over non-existent conversations about how we communicate our feelings: our highs, our lows, our loves and losses. It also references 80s movie icons Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, a brief admittance of vulnerability in the face of what we call masculinity...It’s an odd one, isn’t it? But then I went to an all-boys school, where there’s so much silence and you only talk about objective truths, football, but not the emotional flow of feelings...It’s that masculinity; that thing of pride. But now we’re in age where masculinity can take a different guise and suffering is a huge part of that, and it feels such a shame that we can’t talk about it...Looking back, we may see our friends as being like superheroes at school, like my best mate at school, who killed himself a month after leaving. No-one, No-one had taught us how to talk to each other."
Lay by my side
We’ll watch all the films that you like
Silent all, silent all night
If that’s what you want
TV screen blue
We’ll sit and watch Predator 2
Cos it makes you feel silent & strong
Silent and strong
I think we should talk
I think we should talk
You give me a thumbs up
Just like the terminator did
When drowning in lava
Is it any wonder
Is it any wonder
I worry about you kid?
Open your mouth
The darkness can finally come out
As Bruce Willis cries
You realise
You could be alright
I think we should talk
I think we should talk
You give me a thumbs up
Just like the terminator did
When drowning in lava
Is it any wonder
Is it any wonder
I worry about you kid?
There’s a hole in my home town
All my friends seem to fall down
But never will float out
But you’re not alone now
You’re not alone now
Watching films with my brother
Wondering our place on this rock
And wondering what it’ll take now
To ever just stop
https://www.thehowlandthehum.com/
Singer-songwriter Sam Griffiths spoke about the song:
"'Thumbs Up' is the confession that us men don’t know how to talk to other men about important stuff...This song was written in the silence after suicides of friends, during depressive episodes, and over non-existent conversations about how we communicate our feelings: our highs, our lows, our loves and losses. It also references 80s movie icons Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, a brief admittance of vulnerability in the face of what we call masculinity...It’s an odd one, isn’t it? But then I went to an all-boys school, where there’s so much silence and you only talk about objective truths, football, but not the emotional flow of feelings...It’s that masculinity; that thing of pride. But now we’re in age where masculinity can take a different guise and suffering is a huge part of that, and it feels such a shame that we can’t talk about it...Looking back, we may see our friends as being like superheroes at school, like my best mate at school, who killed himself a month after leaving. No-one, No-one had taught us how to talk to each other."
Lay by my side
We’ll watch all the films that you like
Silent all, silent all night
If that’s what you want
TV screen blue
We’ll sit and watch Predator 2
Cos it makes you feel silent & strong
Silent and strong
I think we should talk
I think we should talk
You give me a thumbs up
Just like the terminator did
When drowning in lava
Is it any wonder
Is it any wonder
I worry about you kid?
Open your mouth
The darkness can finally come out
As Bruce Willis cries
You realise
You could be alright
I think we should talk
I think we should talk
You give me a thumbs up
Just like the terminator did
When drowning in lava
Is it any wonder
Is it any wonder
I worry about you kid?
There’s a hole in my home town
All my friends seem to fall down
But never will float out
But you’re not alone now
You’re not alone now
Watching films with my brother
Wondering our place on this rock
And wondering what it’ll take now
To ever just stop
https://www.thehowlandthehum.com/
Monday, September 17, 2018
"Dead Boys" by Sam Fender
British singer-songwriter Sam Fender has made an incredibly touching, vital, urgent, and frightening song and accompanying video about the epidemic of male suicide.
“It’s a song about male suicide, particularly in my hometown,” Fender told NME. “I lost some friends very close to me because of that. This song came from that place, and I have been playing it to other people ever since. It’s raised a conversation and I realised how much of a present issue it is. Everybody that I spoke to from all different parts of the country have all got a connection to someone they’ve lost.
It really opened my eyes to how much of an issue it is. If it gets to one person and they feel like they should reach out and talk to somebody, then it has done a good job.
I genuinely think it’s toxic masculinity and the idea of what a man is supposed to be. This really archaic, out of date idea of how a man is supposed to conduct himself. I think that’s what kills men, genuinely. I have personally struggled with that, growing up and being a young lad in 2018 in Newcastle. I think everyone does. There are a lot of challenges we are facing; like how you are supposed to react to emotional stress. I’ve got no shame in it. I was told not to cry as a kid. It’s that sort of backwards attitude, so when we feel bad we feel ashamed or we feel like embarrassed.
I remember specifically for me as a kid growing up or as a young teenager if I ever cried or got upset in front of anybody, I would be so humiliated. I’d be so angry with myself for being upset and then it would just become this catch 22 situation. It’s that attitude that stops men from talking and stops men from being like able to turn to each other. Me and my mates are very, very close. We all talk about our problems – especially as we’ve got older. But I don’t think a lot of people have that. Men just need to be open and not emasculate one another.”
Sam Fender's perspective is naturally of his own experience but this happens regularly, daily, here in the United States as well (and, we are supported by evidence to presume, in most developed nations) and I agree with what Fender says. And I will go one further and say that toxic masculinity plays a huge part in the "angry white boy" syndrome that is fueling a current wave of racism, xenophobia, misogyny, and homophobia here in the States. There is such anger and frustration and I believe it is connected to the ways men have been lied to about who they are, how they should behave, what they need to do and say or not do and say, all to be "male." It is misdirected rage. There is no support for men because there are no paradigms for an alternative way. Look at all these beautiful young men in this video, and imagine each of them ending their lives, because they can't figure out how to just be a human being in a world that has distorted them, a world based on competitive sports, a rigid hierarchical way of relating to others, a reliance on physical violence, dominance over women (and anyone perceived as feminine, or by extension, "weak"), and the expectation that they must be emotionally unavailable and personally estranged from any emotion that is not aggression. It's heartbreaking. And it's all so entrenched in culture--it is sanctioned and reinforced on television, in movies, in video games, in music, in sports stadiums, at work and at home. We can get out of it by ridding ourselves of these illusions and lies, but the irony and sadness is that toxic masculinity is threatened by that and the ideas get entrenched deeper and deeper, as Fender said. It is a deadly cycle.
The only way we will make any headway is to point it out, talk about it, shine light on it. Kudos to Sam Fender for talking about it.
The anniversaries are short lived
But they come back around at break neck speed
My world spins so fast
The centrifugal force keep me stuck in the middle
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
All the dead boys in our hometown
Our tussle with the black dog
Some are loud and some are silent
Everybody 'round here just drinks
That's our culture
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
All the dead boys in our hometown
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
https://samfender.com/
“It’s a song about male suicide, particularly in my hometown,” Fender told NME. “I lost some friends very close to me because of that. This song came from that place, and I have been playing it to other people ever since. It’s raised a conversation and I realised how much of a present issue it is. Everybody that I spoke to from all different parts of the country have all got a connection to someone they’ve lost.
It really opened my eyes to how much of an issue it is. If it gets to one person and they feel like they should reach out and talk to somebody, then it has done a good job.
I genuinely think it’s toxic masculinity and the idea of what a man is supposed to be. This really archaic, out of date idea of how a man is supposed to conduct himself. I think that’s what kills men, genuinely. I have personally struggled with that, growing up and being a young lad in 2018 in Newcastle. I think everyone does. There are a lot of challenges we are facing; like how you are supposed to react to emotional stress. I’ve got no shame in it. I was told not to cry as a kid. It’s that sort of backwards attitude, so when we feel bad we feel ashamed or we feel like embarrassed.
I remember specifically for me as a kid growing up or as a young teenager if I ever cried or got upset in front of anybody, I would be so humiliated. I’d be so angry with myself for being upset and then it would just become this catch 22 situation. It’s that attitude that stops men from talking and stops men from being like able to turn to each other. Me and my mates are very, very close. We all talk about our problems – especially as we’ve got older. But I don’t think a lot of people have that. Men just need to be open and not emasculate one another.”
Sam Fender's perspective is naturally of his own experience but this happens regularly, daily, here in the United States as well (and, we are supported by evidence to presume, in most developed nations) and I agree with what Fender says. And I will go one further and say that toxic masculinity plays a huge part in the "angry white boy" syndrome that is fueling a current wave of racism, xenophobia, misogyny, and homophobia here in the States. There is such anger and frustration and I believe it is connected to the ways men have been lied to about who they are, how they should behave, what they need to do and say or not do and say, all to be "male." It is misdirected rage. There is no support for men because there are no paradigms for an alternative way. Look at all these beautiful young men in this video, and imagine each of them ending their lives, because they can't figure out how to just be a human being in a world that has distorted them, a world based on competitive sports, a rigid hierarchical way of relating to others, a reliance on physical violence, dominance over women (and anyone perceived as feminine, or by extension, "weak"), and the expectation that they must be emotionally unavailable and personally estranged from any emotion that is not aggression. It's heartbreaking. And it's all so entrenched in culture--it is sanctioned and reinforced on television, in movies, in video games, in music, in sports stadiums, at work and at home. We can get out of it by ridding ourselves of these illusions and lies, but the irony and sadness is that toxic masculinity is threatened by that and the ideas get entrenched deeper and deeper, as Fender said. It is a deadly cycle.
The only way we will make any headway is to point it out, talk about it, shine light on it. Kudos to Sam Fender for talking about it.
The anniversaries are short lived
But they come back around at break neck speed
My world spins so fast
The centrifugal force keep me stuck in the middle
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
All the dead boys in our hometown
Our tussle with the black dog
Some are loud and some are silent
Everybody 'round here just drinks
That's our culture
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
All the dead boys in our hometown
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
https://samfender.com/
Monday, May 14, 2012
"5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Kill Yourself"
5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Kill Yourself
by Sara Benincasa
I'm toying with actually accepting the idea that part of my condition as a depressive human is that sometimes I'm going to want to off myself.
I don't say that lightly, nor am I exaggerating. At various points in my 20s and now, in my early thirties, I've gone through moments, minutes, hours, days and sometimes even weeks during which I've repeatedly thought about suicide. It's not a secret or anything -- I wrote a book about it (and about other things, like awkward sexual encounters and bad haircuts -- but mostly about mental illness.)
I think that part of the reason I have these thoughts is because of my wacky brain, which sometimes prompts me to do strange things like develop a fear of the toilet or look at a billboard a certain number of times "just in case" as I walk to work each morning.
"Just in case of what?" you may logically be asking. My response? "JUST IN CASE." The point here is that I'm not exactly 100 percent healthy in the ol' thought department.
Anyway. The other night, after a few days marked by crying jags in places as diverse as my best friend's guest bedroom in Houston, the shower at the Super 8 in Austin, and my couch in Queens, I had one of those wracking sobfests that really clears out the clogged parts of one's soul and leaves you feeling exhausted but somewhat relieved. In the midst of my festival of tears, I found myself sincerely thinking, "I can't kill myself. I haven't finished my taxes yet." And then I started to laugh.
Later, I told a friend about my feelings, which is the thing you ought to do when you're feeling suicidal. Because he knows my twisted sense of humor well enough, he sent me this poem by Dorothy Parker. It's called "Resumé."
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
Gallows humor? You bet. And man, did I need it. In fact, I started thinking of other reasons not to kill myself, besides the "I have friends and family who love me, and there is hope, and I'm not such a bad person, I just make mistakes sometimes like everybody else" type of stuff. I share them with you now because I guaran-fucking-tee at least one person reading this post needs to see this info. I know there are times when I've needed it.
1. It's messy.
Regardless of how you go, you're going to leave a body for other people to clean up. Dead bodies are gross. Did you know that some people let poop out when they die? It's true. I mean, not on purpose or anything. It's something to do with the bowels relaxing. Anyway, what if no one finds you for a few days? You will be stinky, and someone else will have to deal with it.
That's a little inconsiderate. Why not stay alive and call a therapist? Stimulate the economy. You're a jobs creator, just like Mitt Romney! Or you could just call your best friend and tell her you're having a rough time. She's your best friend; it's her job to help you through rough times. Which brings me to the second point…
2. Other people need you.
During my big crying festival, I remembered that my friend had just broken up with her boyfriend and I hadn't called to do a post-game recap about it yet. I knew it would really help her to get to let it all out with me. And while I wasn't in the shape to deal with it at that particular moment, I figured I ought to stick around long enough to let the tears pass and get into a headspace where I could chat with her.
So a few days later, that's exactly what I did. And I felt good afterward, because I know I hold a special place for her as a sort of confessor/big sister.
3. Dead people don't get to eat cinnamon buns.
They also don't get to do my other favorite things, like live-Tweet presidential debates, re-read "From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler," hold newborn babies with squinched-up little red faces, talk politics with their dads, walk in the woods on a warm autumn day, eat their brother's excellent apple butter chicken, or fall asleep in a soft bed after a long day of walking.
They also do not get to have sex (at least not consensually. And do you want to risk your earthly remains being defiled by some creepo gravedigger? No. No, you do not.)
4. It's cliché, and you are not a cliché.
Nor are you a statistic, or some sad footnote in the local paper, or whatever cheesedick obituary they put together. You're you. You're unique and special and lovely and people care about you, and you deserve a better ending than anything you could bring upon yourself.
We all know what happens when a sad person kills herself: nothing. That's it. It's the end. No one gets to find out what she might have done or could have done or would have done if she'd stuck around. And that's shitty. So keep hanging out with the rest of us in the mirth and the muck, because you matter more than you can possibly imagine.
5. Someone needs to change the kitty litter.
'Nuff said.
http://sarabenincasa.com/home.cfm
by Sara Benincasa
I'm toying with actually accepting the idea that part of my condition as a depressive human is that sometimes I'm going to want to off myself.
I don't say that lightly, nor am I exaggerating. At various points in my 20s and now, in my early thirties, I've gone through moments, minutes, hours, days and sometimes even weeks during which I've repeatedly thought about suicide. It's not a secret or anything -- I wrote a book about it (and about other things, like awkward sexual encounters and bad haircuts -- but mostly about mental illness.)
I think that part of the reason I have these thoughts is because of my wacky brain, which sometimes prompts me to do strange things like develop a fear of the toilet or look at a billboard a certain number of times "just in case" as I walk to work each morning.
"Just in case of what?" you may logically be asking. My response? "JUST IN CASE." The point here is that I'm not exactly 100 percent healthy in the ol' thought department.
Anyway. The other night, after a few days marked by crying jags in places as diverse as my best friend's guest bedroom in Houston, the shower at the Super 8 in Austin, and my couch in Queens, I had one of those wracking sobfests that really clears out the clogged parts of one's soul and leaves you feeling exhausted but somewhat relieved. In the midst of my festival of tears, I found myself sincerely thinking, "I can't kill myself. I haven't finished my taxes yet." And then I started to laugh.
Later, I told a friend about my feelings, which is the thing you ought to do when you're feeling suicidal. Because he knows my twisted sense of humor well enough, he sent me this poem by Dorothy Parker. It's called "Resumé."
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
Gallows humor? You bet. And man, did I need it. In fact, I started thinking of other reasons not to kill myself, besides the "I have friends and family who love me, and there is hope, and I'm not such a bad person, I just make mistakes sometimes like everybody else" type of stuff. I share them with you now because I guaran-fucking-tee at least one person reading this post needs to see this info. I know there are times when I've needed it.
1. It's messy.
Regardless of how you go, you're going to leave a body for other people to clean up. Dead bodies are gross. Did you know that some people let poop out when they die? It's true. I mean, not on purpose or anything. It's something to do with the bowels relaxing. Anyway, what if no one finds you for a few days? You will be stinky, and someone else will have to deal with it.
That's a little inconsiderate. Why not stay alive and call a therapist? Stimulate the economy. You're a jobs creator, just like Mitt Romney! Or you could just call your best friend and tell her you're having a rough time. She's your best friend; it's her job to help you through rough times. Which brings me to the second point…
2. Other people need you.
During my big crying festival, I remembered that my friend had just broken up with her boyfriend and I hadn't called to do a post-game recap about it yet. I knew it would really help her to get to let it all out with me. And while I wasn't in the shape to deal with it at that particular moment, I figured I ought to stick around long enough to let the tears pass and get into a headspace where I could chat with her.
So a few days later, that's exactly what I did. And I felt good afterward, because I know I hold a special place for her as a sort of confessor/big sister.
3. Dead people don't get to eat cinnamon buns.
They also don't get to do my other favorite things, like live-Tweet presidential debates, re-read "From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler," hold newborn babies with squinched-up little red faces, talk politics with their dads, walk in the woods on a warm autumn day, eat their brother's excellent apple butter chicken, or fall asleep in a soft bed after a long day of walking.
They also do not get to have sex (at least not consensually. And do you want to risk your earthly remains being defiled by some creepo gravedigger? No. No, you do not.)
4. It's cliché, and you are not a cliché.
Nor are you a statistic, or some sad footnote in the local paper, or whatever cheesedick obituary they put together. You're you. You're unique and special and lovely and people care about you, and you deserve a better ending than anything you could bring upon yourself.
We all know what happens when a sad person kills herself: nothing. That's it. It's the end. No one gets to find out what she might have done or could have done or would have done if she'd stuck around. And that's shitty. So keep hanging out with the rest of us in the mirth and the muck, because you matter more than you can possibly imagine.
5. Someone needs to change the kitty litter.
'Nuff said.
http://sarabenincasa.com/home.cfm
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Rick Is Right
We have to make it better now. Three hundred IS too many.
In memoriam: Jamie Hubley.
http://www.rickmercer.com/
http://www.itgetsbetter.org/
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
In Memoriam: Jamey Rodemeyer
Sadly, anti-gay bullies have claimed yet another young man for their very long and ever-growing list of victims: on September 19, 2011, Jamey Rodemeyer, 14, killed himself because of bullying. The heartbreaking Buffalo News article about Jamey, his torment, and his suicide is here.
For Jamey, it is too late. To those still alive, I address the following:
"Dear gay teen contemplating suicide:
You are not wrong. You are not “bad.” You are not sick, defective, or evil.
You are perfect and beautiful just the way you are.
You have done nothing wrong and you have done nothing to deserve being humiliated, punished, or hurt, either physically or emotionally.
Bullying and discrimination are never ever innocent: the bullies are the ones who are wrong, bad, and sick for hurting you.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you are any less of a human being than they are. Don’t let them tell you it is a choice or that being gay is about behavior; you are who you are. Embrace yourself and be proud of being alive.
You have value. You have as much right to be here on this planet as anyone else.
It may seem like the world is against you, but there are people for you out there, there are places for you out there. You will be happy, you will get to live YOUR life the way YOU want to, without having to pay any attention to the bullies or whatever “bible” nonsense some people might throw at you… you are not "impure," "immoral," "unnatural," or "against nature." Those are just ridiculous lies they tell to hide their hatred, fear and prejudice.
You will survive and thrive! You get to live here. That is your RIGHT.
You might turn out to be an important author, a famous designer, someone who invents a new type of metal, an inspiring performer… or you might end up working with kids who need to hear that they have value and are perfect the way they are.
Please stick around.
Please.
We need you.
Love,
JEF"
To help, please visit:
The Trevor Project
Dan Savage's "It Gets Better Project"
Please spread the word about this issue and these sites--you never know who might need to hear about them.
For Jamey, it is too late. To those still alive, I address the following:
"Dear gay teen contemplating suicide:
You are not wrong. You are not “bad.” You are not sick, defective, or evil.
You are perfect and beautiful just the way you are.
You have done nothing wrong and you have done nothing to deserve being humiliated, punished, or hurt, either physically or emotionally.
Bullying and discrimination are never ever innocent: the bullies are the ones who are wrong, bad, and sick for hurting you.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you are any less of a human being than they are. Don’t let them tell you it is a choice or that being gay is about behavior; you are who you are. Embrace yourself and be proud of being alive.
You have value. You have as much right to be here on this planet as anyone else.
It may seem like the world is against you, but there are people for you out there, there are places for you out there. You will be happy, you will get to live YOUR life the way YOU want to, without having to pay any attention to the bullies or whatever “bible” nonsense some people might throw at you… you are not "impure," "immoral," "unnatural," or "against nature." Those are just ridiculous lies they tell to hide their hatred, fear and prejudice.
You will survive and thrive! You get to live here. That is your RIGHT.
You might turn out to be an important author, a famous designer, someone who invents a new type of metal, an inspiring performer… or you might end up working with kids who need to hear that they have value and are perfect the way they are.
Please stick around.
Please.
We need you.
Love,
JEF"
To help, please visit:
The Trevor Project
Dan Savage's "It Gets Better Project"
Please spread the word about this issue and these sites--you never know who might need to hear about them.
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