“It’s a song about male suicide, particularly in my hometown,” Fender told NME. “I lost some friends very close to me because of that. This song came from that place, and I have been playing it to other people ever since. It’s raised a conversation and I realised how much of a present issue it is. Everybody that I spoke to from all different parts of the country have all got a connection to someone they’ve lost.
It really opened my eyes to how much of an issue it is. If it gets to one person and they feel like they should reach out and talk to somebody, then it has done a good job.
I genuinely think it’s toxic masculinity and the idea of what a man is supposed to be. This really archaic, out of date idea of how a man is supposed to conduct himself. I think that’s what kills men, genuinely. I have personally struggled with that, growing up and being a young lad in 2018 in Newcastle. I think everyone does. There are a lot of challenges we are facing; like how you are supposed to react to emotional stress. I’ve got no shame in it. I was told not to cry as a kid. It’s that sort of backwards attitude, so when we feel bad we feel ashamed or we feel like embarrassed.
I remember specifically for me as a kid growing up or as a young teenager if I ever cried or got upset in front of anybody, I would be so humiliated. I’d be so angry with myself for being upset and then it would just become this catch 22 situation. It’s that attitude that stops men from talking and stops men from being like able to turn to each other. Me and my mates are very, very close. We all talk about our problems – especially as we’ve got older. But I don’t think a lot of people have that. Men just need to be open and not emasculate one another.”
Sam Fender's perspective is naturally of his own experience but this happens regularly, daily, here in the United States (and, we are supported by evidence to presume, in most developed nations) and I agree with what Fender says. And I will go one further and say that toxic masculinity plays a huge part in the "angry white boy" syndrome that is fueling a current wave of racism, xenophobia, misogyny, and homophobia here in the States. There is such anger and frustration and I believe it is connected to the ways men have been lied to about who they are, how they should behave, what they need to do and say or not do and say, all to be "male." It is misdirected rage. There is no support because there are no paradigms for an alternative way. Look at all these beautiful young men in this video, and imagine each of them ending their lives, because they can't figure out how to just be a human being in a world based on competitive sports, a rigid hierarchical way of relating to others, a reliance on physical violence, dominance over women (and anyone perceived as feminine, or by extension, "weak") and the expectation that they must be emotionally unavailable and personally estranged from any emotion that is not aggression. It's heartbreaking. And it's all so entrenched in culture--it is sanctioned and reinforced on television, in movies, in video games, in music, in sports stadiums, at work and at home. We can get out of it by ridding ourselves of these illusions and lies, but the irony and sadness is that toxic masculinity is threatened by that and the ideas get entrenched deeper and deeper, as Fender said. It is a deadly cycle.
But the only way we will make any headway is to point it out, talk about it, shine light on it. Kudos to Sam Fender for talking about it.
The anniversaries are short lived
But they come back around at break neck speed
My world spins so fast
The centrifugal force keep me stuck in the middle
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
All the dead boys in our hometown
Our tussle with the black dog
Some are loud and some are silent
Everybody 'round here just drinks
That's our culture
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
All the dead boys in our hometown
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
We close our eyes
Blind our pain
Nobody ever could explain
All the dead boys in our hometown
https://samfender.com/
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