Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts

Monday, October 12, 2026

Matthew Shepard, 1976 - 1998

Image from The Matthew Shepard Foundation on Instagram

In 1998, I recall all too well hearing on the news about a young man who was found in Wyoming, tied to a fence and beaten nearly to a literal pulp and left for dead. And I recall the news covering the details of such a shocking attack, and the fact that the victim of this hate crime was a young gay man, Matthew Shepard. And I recall very well his death six days later, October 12th at 12:53 a.m. I wept. For him and his loving family and for the life he would not get to lead. But also for all the other gay men and women whose lives had been ended at the hands of a criminal filled with irrational fear of and hatred for another human being's life. But ultimately for me ... because that could have been me, so many times, tied to a fence and left in the cold and night, to die alone. I escaped my attackers but others were not so lucky.

Out of his senseless and savage death came a sense of resolve where concrete changes took root.

The Matthew Shepard Foundation was created by his parents, Judy and Dennis. The Foundation works in schools, communities and with faith leaders to reduce hate and replace it with understanding.

Angel Action was started by Romaine Patterson, one of Matthew's friends.

The Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act (H.R. 1592) ws introduced in March of 1999 but frustratingly, was not signed into law until over 10 years later, by President Obama on October 28th, 2009. During that 10 year period, the legislation was introduced and reintroduced in several different forms in a fairly rancorous back-and-forth, roughly along expected party lines (though not always so). Supporters, mainly Democrats, framed it as an overdue civil rights update to address violence intended to terrorize entire communities. Opponents countered that it was either an unnecessary federal expansion into state prosecutions, or that it created different classes of victims. The Bush White House leaned hard on the states rights angle. Some conservative critics used tired diversionary tactics and latched onto so-called "thought crimes" concerns. Supporters pointed to First Amendment carve-outs and argued the bill punished violent conduct, not speech. But the culture wars of the time, especially around LGBT protections, made it a proxy fight for a lot of bigger debates.

But most importantly, Matthew's ashes are interred in a crypt in the Washington National Cathedral in D.C. To be interred there is a rare and profound honor, reserved for individuals whose lives hold particular significance in the nation's story (the last figure to be interred there was Helen Keller some 50 years before). Matthew Shepard's resting place there acknowledges not only the tragedy of his death, but the enduring place his life and legacy have come to occupy in America's long struggle for equality and human dignity.

Many years ago, I performed nine different roles in a marvelous production of the powerful stage play "The Laramie Project" here in Northern California, where I relived his destruction and the trauma it represented for our community. During this International LGBT History Month, I am remembering Matthew, his death, the continuing echoes of his loss for our community, and the resulting cultural changes. R.I.P. Matthew.

https://www.matthewshepard.org/

Wednesday, September 23, 2026

Letting Go

“We cannot deeply love anything without becoming vulnerable to loss, and we cannot become separate people, responsible people, connected people, reflective people without some losing and leaving and letting go.”
--Joan Didion


“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”
--Pema Chödrön, from “When Things Fall Apart”

Friday, September 18, 2026

R.I.P. Duncan Sheik

And now we have lost Duncan Sheik, talented singer-songwriter and Grammy AND Tony winner, who created some lovely songs as well as the genre-changing musical "Spring Awakening." Artists are leaving us at a quicker pace these days...


R.I.P. Duncan, and thanks for all the beautiful music.

https://www.duncansheik.com/

Thursday, September 17, 2026

R.I.P. Annie DIllard

I am greatly saddened to hear of the passing of Annie Dillard. Like many people, I approached her work through her Pulitzer Prize-wining book Pilgrim At Tinker Creek. Her writing is so immediate, so visceral, so breathless and urgent in its need to be heard, its need to be understood, but more than anything, for the reader to comprehend and stand dazzled in cosmic disbelief at what she discovered, whatever she pointed us toward.

I went on to read many of her other books like Teaching A Stone To Talk,  For The Time Being, and the beautifully tender and painfully exquisite memoir An American Childhood. She wrote words, sentences, concepts, that made me gasp out loud and cry.

Thank you Annie, for sharing your heart and soul with us. You have enriched humanity and you will be missed.

Annie Dillard | Photo: Phyllis Rose

“What does it feel like to be alive?

Living, you stand under a waterfall. You leave the sleeping shore deliberately; you shed your dusty clothes, pick your barefoot way over the high, slippery rocks, hold your breath, choose your footing, and step into the waterfall. The hard water pelts your skull, bangs in bits on your shoulders and arms. The strong water dashes down beside you and you feel it along your calves and thighs rising roughly back up, up to the roiling surface, full of bubbles that slide up your skin or break on you at full speed. Can you breathe here? Here where the force is the greatest and only the strength of your neck holds the river out of your face. Yes, you can breathe even here. You could learn to live like this. And you can, if you concentrate, even look out at the peaceful far bank where you try to raise your arms. What a racket in your ears, what a scattershot pummeling!

It is time pounding at you, time. Knowing you are alive is watching on every side your generation's short time falling away as fast as rivers drop through air, and feeling it hit.”

― Annie Dillard, An American Childhood


https://www.anniedillard.com/

Saturday, August 8, 2026

R.I.P William Orbit

William Orbit, 2022 | Photo: Eva Pentel


R.I.P. William. Thanks for the amazing sounds.

https://www.williamorbit.com/

Sunday, June 21, 2026

Sunday, May 10, 2026

I Miss My Mom


Take one if you miss your mom too.

Saturday, November 22, 2025

"Heaven Up There" by Palace

"Heaven Up There" by Palace. One more chance to hug, to say I love you, to say goodbye...just one more.

 

Well the night is gone
And the shadows clear
When I hear my song
Will the grave be near?
See what you want
But I'm the rising tide
I'm no force of god
I'm a thousand lives
I take what I want
'Cause I'm the frightening sky
I'm a selfish man
Designed to die

But is it heaven up there?
Is it heaven up there?
Is it heaven up there?
'Cause it's hell down here

Believe in existence spent
To separate us from them
To know that your blood runs thin
Is to live with the truth within
So scrape up the bruise I wear
And eradicate all my fears
Prepare me to walk these stairs
I don't know where my future is
I don't know where my future is

Is it heaven up there?
Is it heaven up there?
Is it heaven up there?
Is it heaven up there?

Say I've been blind
For the use of my time
Wanna be a better man
On the ground that I stand
There's something out there
Just know that I've cared
Do this side by side
Motion with the tide
Ooh ooh ooh Ooh ooh ooh

Is it heaven up there?
Is it heaven up there?
Is it heaven up there?
'Cause it's hell down here
Yes, it's hell down here
Is this heaven up there?
I know there's heaven up there
I know there's heaven up there
'Cause there's heaven up there


https://www.wearepalace.com/

Happy birthday mom. Is it heaven up there?

Friday, November 21, 2025

I Miss My Mom


Take one if you miss your mom too.

Sunday, November 16, 2025

I Miss My Dad


Take one if you miss your dad too.

Thursday, September 4, 2025

R.I.P. Giorgio Armani


I am very saddened to learn of the death of a legend...Giorgio Armani.

He had just celebrated his 91st birthday in July but had been ill in hospital for a bit.

It is impossible to exaggerate his achievements and contribution to culture, to design (not only of clothing, but of home furnishings and architecture), and to fashion history during his fifty year career. Along with names who changed silhouettes and shapes and ushered in new cuts and styles and materials, Armani takes his place in the pantheon. He deconstructed the men's suit in the 80s, turning it into something soft and sensual, something sexy and flowing, without altering the basic concept of what it was. He removed layers of felting inside suits, making them relaxed and able to behave like thin silk. Just take a look at the iconic clothing from the film "American Gigolo" and you will see what I mean. It was soft and casual with a sense of effortless power. This revolution rippled out into the industry and we see its waves even now: designers still grapple with ways to make suiting less stiff, to make clothing more luxe without being precious, and to make pieces with more innate ease without being sloppy. In short, to make clothes more Armani. But no one does Armani like Armani. Clean lined and impeccably tailored, Armani's sensibility is about luxe fabrics and the way a garment hangs and drapes on the body (of both men and women). But there is something else that I really respond to in each Armani collection and that is a vague sense, a shadow, an echo of historical fashion. The way a jacket or coat is cut or its stance, the inclusion of waistcoats, belted outerwear, loose cut and high waisted trousers...it all reminds me of...what, the 1920s and 30s? The 1880s and 1890s? The 1940s and 50s? Yes to all of it.

Thank you, sincerely, for all the beauty you brought into the world, Signor Armani. You will missed.

Sunday, June 15, 2025

Tuesday, June 10, 2025

R.I.P. Sly Stone

R.I.P. Sly Stone (previously here). You were a true pioneer. Thanks for the music and cultural evolution.


Sunday, May 11, 2025

I Miss My Mom


Take one if you miss your mom too.

Saturday, January 18, 2025

R.I.P. David Lynch


He leaves behind an incredibly dazzling, complicated, funny, frightening universe. He and his creations will be greatly missed.

R.I.P. David and thanks for everything. I hope it's blue skies and sunshine all along your way.

Friday, November 22, 2024

"Heaven Up There" by Palace

"Heaven Up There" by Palace. One more chance to hug, to say I love you, to say goodbye...just one more.

 

Well the night is gone
And the shadows clear
When I hear my song
Will the grave be near?
See what you want
But I'm the rising tide
I'm no force of god
I'm a thousand lives
I take what I want
'Cause I'm the frightening sky
I'm a selfish man
Designed to die

But is it heaven up there?
Is it heaven up there?
Is it heaven up there?
'Cause it's hell down here

Believe in existence spent
To separate us from them
To know that your blood runs thin
Is to live with the truth within
So scrape up the bruise I wear
And eradicate all my fears
Prepare me to walk these stairs
I don't know where my future is
I don't know where my future is

Is it heaven up there?
Is it heaven up there?
Is it heaven up there?
Is it heaven up there?

Say I've been blind
For the use of my time
Wanna be a better man
On the ground that I stand
There's something out there
Just know that I've cared
Do this side by side
Motion with the tide
Ooh ooh ooh Ooh ooh ooh

Is it heaven up there?
Is it heaven up there?
Is it heaven up there?
'Cause it's hell down here
Yes, it's hell down here
Is this heaven up there?
I know there's heaven up there
I know there's heaven up there
'Cause there's heaven up there


https://www.wearepalace.com/

Happy birthday mom. Is it heaven up there?

Thursday, November 21, 2024

I Miss My Mom


Take one if you miss your mom too.

Monday, November 18, 2024

"Rhubarb Orc. 19.53 Rev" by Aphex Twin

There is an interesting story to this Aphex Twin (the nom de musique of electronic musician Richard James) track, "Rhubarb Orc. 19.53 Rev" which was recently released on the Aphex Twin retrospective album "Selected Ambient Works Vol. II (Expanded Edition)." It was originally performed live at the Barbican in London in 2012 as part of an experiment James called The Remote Orchestra: a 48-piece orchestra and a 24 person choir all wearing wireless headphones took sound and visual cues (colored bars displayed on a large monitor overhead) to sing or play certain notes and in certain styles or volumes from James working on a laptop computer backstage. In effect, he turned the orchestra and choir into a sort of electronic instrument he could play by clicking on his software.

The track has been reworked and is presented here in reverse, which recalls something Brian Eno might have done. The idea that ambient music is holistic, meaning one can take any small section and have it represent the whole, is apparent here. It does not matter if the track is heard as it was recorded or played backward. The cumulative sense is the same.

But what is truly touching are the liner notes from "Selected Ambient Works II (Expanded Edition)" about this track:

Rhubarb notes:
My mum gave me so much love, dedicated her life to me, filled me to the brim with confidence and somehow managed to be a nurse at the same time. That love she gave can now be felt by millions of people all over the world and beyond through this music.
Thanks for everything Lorna James!
I watched both my mum and dad die in front of me recently, was so very grateful to have been able to be with them then, as scary as it was to see. She was cracking jokes hours before she left, even though she was in a lot of pain, she told the awkward doctor on the last day, 'I should be shot, put down', she was very funny. I opened the lovely french doors to the room she was in on the last morning, it was sunny and she said, 'ah that beautiful Champagne air', will remember that til I die.
I still meet them in my dreams regularly and have relaxing normal chats about nothing in particular, I'm going to see if all three of us can listen to this track next time we meet up.
Richard D. James, June 2024


Considering I am between the anniversaries of my own parents' deaths, I am very moved by the story, his notes, and certainly the heavenly music.


https://aphextwin.warp.net/