Wow, this one took me by surprise...and has shaken me. I have seen video of Lucius (the duo of Jess Wolfe and Holly Laessig) singing on stage with the all-star cast for Joni Mitchell's recent concerts known as "Joni Jams" but had not really encountered them on their own. Until this emotional song, "Final Days" from their self-titled album out just yesterday. The lyrics are quite raw and penetrating... they tell a story I have lived a few times now and can feel every word they sing.
I hope I didn’t let you down
‘Cause it’s too late to make a change
You’ve lived a hundred lives before me
So self-involved to think that I could hold that weight
Like a mother to them all,
With your arms stretched open wide
I hope you hear that heaven’s call
I hope they’re letting you inside
You look good like I remember
With all that sunshine on your face
I let you sit there without talking,
You let me sit there in your shade
You let me dream about the future
and all the plans we had to make
I hope I’m wrong about the after
and these are not your final days
Could’ve said I’m frightened but I couldn’t, I didn’t have the heart
Are you scared of dying? I couldn’t, I didn’t have the heart
So I said it’s waiting, your own true paradise
didn’t have the heart so I lied just to not see you cry
Yeah I didn’t, I didn’t have the heart
The world will go on spinning
Another day another scene
and I’ll be left with just a memory
and yesterday will be a dream
I’ll be looking out there for you
where all they see is empty sky
The space you left reminds me
that we don’t have to say goodbye
Could’ve said I’m frightened but I couldn’t, I didn’t have the heart
Are you scared of dying? I couldn’t, I didn’t have the heart
So I said it’s waiting, your own true paradise
didn’t have the heart, I didn’t have the heart
So I said it’s waiting, your own true paradise
didn’t have the heart so I lied just to not see you cry
Yeah I didn’t, I didn’t have the heart
To my husband: Happy Valentine's Day. I love you...
If I asked you now
Will you be my prince
Will you lay down your armour And be with me forever
When you open me
All the power in me moves
How you want to see
All the depths of me real
When you open me
All the power in me moves
I feel real
I love you Love you
When I look into your eyes
There's a danger inside
When I see the edge
I can never hide
See me runnin', runnin', running... ...to you... ...from you... ...to you
There's a strange love inside
It's getting louder, louder, louder, louder, louder
There's a danger I can't hide
Who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am
I'm in love!
I'm in love!
I'm in love!
I'm in love!
I'm in love!
I'm in love!
I'm in love!
I'm in love!
Last year I posted about the marvelous John Koenig, author of THE DICTIONARY OF OBSCURE SORROWS, a book of neologisms to express new terms for subtle emotions. One of his words in particular, was meaningful to me.
sonder - n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.
Koenig made a short video to illustrate the concept of this word and it is lovely and moving.
There are more video illustrations of his words at his Youtube channel.
"Sonder" reminds me of the incredible, life-changing film "Wings of Desire" (previously here) by auteur Wim Wenders. When I first saw this film in 1987, I was literally awestruck and truly emotionally devastated by its scope of humanity and the clear presence of the "animus mundi" in the story. For the first nearly ten or fifteen minutes, we follow a pair of angels as they listen in on the voice of humanity itself, going from person to person, hearing thoughts of love, pettiness, despair, hope, regret, and forgiveness from men, women, young and old. I wept openly through that stunning and powerful opening sequence, overwhelmed by the force of so much existence, so much life, so much sorrow and so much joy (listening in, through an angel, to the thoughts of a dying motorcyclist who has just been in an auto accident is heart-rending). And by extension, not just now, but in the past and the time humanity has left.
Kate Bush released a beautiful animated video today. She tells the story at her site:
"In 2022, with war breaking out in Ukraine, I decided I wanted to make an anti-war animation. In particular, I hoped to draw attention to the children caught up in war.
I based the storyboard around the song, Snowflake, which was sung by my son when he was a child. I think his performance is extremely moving and although I‘d originally written the song to capture his beautiful descant voice before he entered adolescence, it has taken on a haunting new meaning within the context of this animation.
The original track runs for over seven minutes, but as animations take a long time to make, it made a lot of sense to shorten it to three or four minutes. I was concerned that the song might lose something by being edited so intensely but actually it’s held up pretty well.
I knew I wanted the featured character to be a child caught up in war, so I made a very rough, off the cuff story board.
Although I’d initially thought to make the character a human child – a little girl – I settled on the idea of a Caucasian pygmy shrew (Ukrainian shrew): a tiny, fragile little creature. I felt that people might have more empathy for a vulnerable little animal than a human…
This little shrew would take a journey on a moonlit, winter’s night through a war-torn city, initially unaware of what was going on around her in this land of the giants. She can sense that she’s being called by a kind of spiritual presence… HOPE.
She starts to search for HOPE. Sometimes hope is all there is to hang on to."
The wonderful story of the artist and animation team continues on her site here.
Kate concludes:
"There’s not meant to be an exclusive focus on the war in Ukraine, but it was that war that instigated the making of this animation. All wars leave horrific scars: ruined lives, families ripped apart, life-changing injuries, trauma and loss on a massive scale – but it’s the children who suffer the most in so many ways. Their past, present and future melt away into fear and uncertainty.
I would like to ask that if you watch the animation, please make a donation to War Child, or to another charity that aids children in war.
Even a tiny donation will help enormously. War can be an unimaginable horror for a child.
You could be hope for that child caught up in war. You could make a real difference.
I have a little lump of trembling emotion in my throat as I listen to this new song, "Black Poppies" by the divine Underworld (Karl Hyde and Rick Smith). From their album "Strawberry Hotel" to be released on October 25th, 2024.
The melody...I...Hyde's voice...I just...it's just so...it's so...*sigh*
Who can handle who cares
And who never came, who cares
And keeps adopting, adapting and embracing change
And change you may feel a little strange at first
But keep changing
We got the best books and the best boys and the best buys
And the first the second will be last
And the dance floor is always full
To be it, to the rush
We got steps, well come in
You are, you are beautiful
You are, you are beautiful
Who can handle who cares
And who never came, who cares
And keeps adopting, adapting and embracing change
And change you may feel a little strange at first
But keep changing
You are, you are beautiful
You are, you are beautiful
You are, you are beautiful
"Cut a hole in the news
don’t make it complicated
we’re no longer alone
you may feel a little strange at first
Mr Mickey Marley
wild black and white
my eyes go crazy
keeps adopting, adapting
if nature is heaven
in her arms you live happy
glitter finger, numbering four weeks
studs like tiny stars
machines playing tunes to block out the life, block out the light
set fire to it if you want to see it go up in flames
follow the line to the rising sun
we are all of these things and more things"
Arranged for strings by Gus Nicholson
Violin 1- Will Clark
Violin 2 - Rocket Brooks and Sungeun Kang
Viola - Catherine McCardel
Cello - Maddie Johnston
Double Bass - Jonny Hayward
Wow. Another incredible, cosmic song from Palace (previously here). Here is "Goodnight, Farewell."
Think I want it, a different life
I'm too sentimental, for friends of mine
So please surround me, in a milk cocoon
Insurrection in a shuttered room
Tilt my head, towards the sun
The brothers both said, to the middle one
"Just remember, your inner child"
"Just remember, it's who you are"
Orange peel, kitchen sink
Late night love for my medicine
Belly turned to guts like a barrel eye
She bore witness to a precious life
Precious life, precious life
I'll never forget who you were, I'll never forget
I'll never forget who you were, I'll never forget
I'll never forget who you were
Never forget, never forget
Never forget, never forget
Forget
His hair falls in cool careless waves without trying
Goes days without crying
But still treats me kind
And it's not his fault, all the sleep I've been losing
The way that I'm ruined
One look in his eyes and I'm gone
Helplessly dumb
My senses go numb
My brain is on fire
They say wanting someone is supposed to be fun
That's because they never loved an Andrew
Honey, I know there's no one to blame
But honestly, damn you
It's just a cruel joke that chemicals play
You don't wanna kiss me, 'cause I'm not at all
Likе the girls in the posters that hang on your wall
What a timе wasting heartbreak to fall
For an Andrew
Oh-oh-oh
He floats through the air unaware of the damage
A hard right of passage for soft-hearted boys
He smiles like a friend, puts his hand on my shoulder
If I can't get closer, then I am destroyed
And I'm gone
Helplessly dumb
My senses go numb
My brain is on fire
They just can't understand why it hurts me so bad
That's because they've never had an Andrew
Honey, I know there's no one to blame
But honestly, damn you
It's just a cruel joke that chemicals play
You don't wanna kiss me, 'cause I'm not at all
Like the girls in the posters that hang on your wall
What a time wasting heartbreak to fall
For an Andrew
What a time wasting, sweet happiness-taking
Self-esteem, mess-making
Heart-breaking shame
Wanna hold your hand, and be more of a man
Like your world falls apart for me or stays the same
'Cause you're
Andrew
Honey, I know there's no one to blame
But honestly, damn you
It's just a cruel joke that chemicals play
You don't wanna kiss me, 'cause I'm not at all
Like the girls in the posters that hang on your wall
Wish that I'd never met you at all
Sorry, Andrew
Oh-oh-oh
...by writer-director Andrew Haigh, starring Andrew Scott, Paul Mescal, Claire Foy, and Jamie Bell.
Well, actually I watched it several weeks ago but I have been unable to really speak about it or even write about it without being overcome with emotion. The story concerns itself with a script writer, Adam (Andrew Scott) who is attempting to write about his childhood and parents who tragically died in a car accident when he was 11. At the same time, Adam meets Harry (Paul Mescal) the only other inhabitant of the new highrise apartment building they live in, and they begin a relationship. Motivated by his script, Adam returns to his childhood home to reconnect with a time long past, and through some sort of...power of...something...he encounters his parents, still living in the house, appearing exactly as they did before they died.
Normally when I write about a film here, I don't include spoilers, but I just can't do it this time. Warning: major complete spoilers ahead.
When I saw the trailer for this film late last year, I felt a resonance with it. I lost my parents in a very tragic way as well, albeit not at such an early age like Adam, but still young enough to regret that they were unable to see much of my later adult life and how things turned out. Like Adam, I am an only child and carry a theme of loneliness and alone-ness inside me. And of course, Andrew Scott is an out gay actor playing a gay character...and I am an out gay actor who has played gay characters. But what really shook me was his encounter with his parents. After my mom and dad died, I had dreams of them, which is not all that unusual when one loses a loved one. My father took his own life and interestingly, my dreams revolved around him coming to terms with what he did, not me coming to terms with it. But when my mom died many months later, they both came to me in dreams many times. These dreams had a very different texture than "regular" dreams. While I still dream of them at this much later stage in my life, the dreams feel more like "regular" dreams...not the hyper-real encounters I experienced just after they died. So I knew the idea of seeing someone encounter their dead parents in such a meaningful way was going to stir me, move me, perhaps upset me. But I was prepared for it. I can "go there." After all, I have been there, and come back. People can be so skittish of films (interestingly, books not so much) that take them to difficult places where they might be emotionally vulnerable. But as I said, I have been emotionally vulnerable, A LOT in my life, and it didn't kill me. So I was prepared. And looking forward to it. The film seemed to be something I needed to ingest.
What I was not prepared for was the extent of emotion and the tone of the film. It feels like a dream. There is a subtle, hushed quality from the writing, directing, and certainly the acting that creates an arresting sense of intimacy. All four leads are masterfully penetrating and perfectly thorough in what they are presenting...these might be career defining performances for each. Andrew Scott's staggering performance and his interactions with the equally amazing Paul Mescal give the film its real intimacy.
We are introduced to Adam and his seemingly lonely--and very alone--life in a London highrise. On a walk outside at night, he looks up to see the only other inhabitant of the building, Harry, staring down at him. Once Adam returns home, Harry knocks on his door and introduces himself. It quickly becomes obvious that Harry is quite drunk with bottle of whiskey in hand, and he asks to be let in so he and Adam can hang out, maybe have sex or not...Harry innocently and desperately says, "We don't have to do anything," which is a little heartbreaking right there. While both men flirt with each other, Adam declines and Harry wanders off back to his flat. So now we know our two main characters. And this interaction proves to be the paradigm for the entire film.
I've read some journalists and critics writing about this film who have come to the conclusion that Adam's interactions with his parents are completely in his imagination. But I am going to posit that it is completely not. After taking a train out of London to the town where he grew up, he first sees his father while on a walk on the heath. It actually plays out a little like a cruising situation, with the as-yet-unknown-to-us dad beckoning to Adam to follow him, and Adam follows out of a sense of curiosity, and probably that the man seems strangely familiar somehow. Dad, played by Jamie Bell, takes his son home...to the house he grew up in. When his mum, played beautifully by Claire Foy opens the door for them, Dad says to Mum, "Yeah, it's definintely him...look in his eyes." It is finally made clear who they are. And Adam of course is dazed and speechless at seeing his parents, as they were before they died when he was a child.
He begins a series of regular visits to see and spend time with them...to catch up. He tells them he is a writer and they are proud of him. He has an afternoon alone with his mum where she asks if he has a girlfriend and he comes out to her, letting her know he is gay. She is a little put off, asks him if people are mean to him, and expresses concern for this new disease gay men are suffering from called AIDS. He assures her that things are different now and while she needs time to adjust to the idea, one can sense that her love for her son is greater than any anxiety about his sexuality. And in one of the most touching scenes, he spends a different afternoon alone with his dad. They speak of Adam crying alone in his room after being bullied at school, and his father confesses that he heard him but never came to offer comfort. This is a very common situation with young gay boys and their families but particularly their fathers, where culturally imposed homophobic beliefs and attitudes cripple and prevent fathers from connecting in a nurturing way with their sons. Adam's dad mentions that he probably would have harassed a gay kid like him when he was in school, but is now understanding of what it truly means. Dad breaks down and apologizes for not being there in the way that was needed the most. Andrew Scott plays Adam's reaction to this in one of the most powerful, authentic pieces of acting I have ever seen.
Meanwhile, the relationship that Adam and Harry are forging is really quite beautiful and authentic. The sex scenes are phenomenal...frank without being tasteless or merely titillating, and they are needed to show the closeness between the two. They bond over their shared loneliness--Adam speaks of his life long terror of being alone, and honestly, how could one not have such a morbid fear, after having one's family ripped away from them at such a young age--and the fact that while Adam's parents departed his life, Harry's parents basically disowned him for being gay. In a way, they are both orphans. But Adam is very excited to reveal to Harry that he has been spending time with his deceased parents, and begs him to come to the childhood home so he can meet them. Harry is dubious about seeing people who have been dead a long while and once they arrive at the house, the lights are off and no one answers the door, very unlike all of Adam's encounters so far. Adam is confused and doesn't understand why his parents won't let them in. He leads them around the house to the back French doors where, shockingly, both Adam and Harry can actually see the parents inside, simply standing side by side in the blackness. It's as though Harry's presence in the mix somehow interrupted the magic or power at play.
Adam has a final lunch with his parents at an American-style diner they all loved when he was young. The waitress mentions that the three meals ordered is a lot of food...for one person. Clearly the waitress cannot see his parents sitting in the booth with him. As they wait for their food, his mum and dad want to know details about the car accident that took their lives, they express their love for Adam and wish him well in his life, to not feel the crippling loneliness he has felt his whole life, and they urge Adam to promise to invest his emotions into a relationship with Harry whom they say they saw through the French doors as well. Once they fade away into another realm where they can finally rest, Adam is left alone in the diner. But he can now return to his building to see Harry and tell him about what has happened, that he is ready to dedicate himself to a life they can share, that he no longer feels alone because he can open himself to someone without carrying--or even perhaps clinging to--an idea of loneliness. He comes to Harry's apartment, and when there is no answer, he lets himself in. We see he is immediately overcome by a horrific smell and consequently discovers Harry dead in his bed, wearing the same clothes as the night they met at Adam's door, clutching the same now-empty bottle of whiskey. Apparently, Harry has been dead for quite a while. But then Adam hears a noise in the living room. There stands Harry, agitated, on the verge of tears, imploring Adam, "Is that me in there? Am I in there?" We sense Harry is now regretful for the end of his life--perhaps his death was an accident (an inadvertent mix of drugs and alcohol), perhaps it was a deliberate suicide, but the real tragedy is that Harry has fallen in love with Adam and has seen that he too no longer has to carry around a motif of loneliness...and now it is too late.
And here is why I think Adam was actually seeing and interacting with his parents...because he was actually seeing Harry the entire time, too. Unlike his parents, Adam did not know Harry was dead...he had never been to his apartment since they had always spent time together in Adam's flat. And I don't--I can't believe that Adam was completely hallucinating an entire relationship with Harry. That would make him truly delusional, and the brilliant script-writer/director Andrew Haigh gave us no indication, clue, or information leading us to believe that Adam suffers from any sort of mental illness. Adam has been having a love affair with a ghost, to put it too simply. But a ghost that was somehow, inexplicably made of matter.
Of course where the film ends up is absolutely gutting, for three reasons: 1) Adam had just broken through his loneliness by working through the loss of his parents and was ready to dedicate himself to another person, 2) Harry too had worked through his ostracization and was ready to dedicate himself to another person, and of course 3) the couple cannot have a relationship since Harry is no longer alive. Now, you'd think this would be tragic, and it certainly is, (I have not been able to think about this film without crying and I am tearing up as I write this) but how the film closes is extraordinary. Adam now has emerged from his inner exile and has the strength and understanding to lead someone else out of isolation. Adam convinces Harry to accompany him back to his own flat. There, he leads him to bed and cuddles the ghost of Harry so he can heal and presumably move on from the physical realm, like how Adam's mum and dad dissolved. We see Harry, and then the pair of them turn into a pin point and a ribbon of light that expands and joins a universe of pin points and ribbons of light. So they are together...? However, Adam is alive since the actual physical world interacts with him. But perhaps seeing human beings as illuminated light, whether alive or dead, is meant to suggest that none of us are truly alone, that we are all connected in deeper, invisible, and powerfully immutable ways. However--and this could be my own issues of alone-ness--I just can't get past the idea that Adam is once again completely alone. He succeeded, he did it, he healed, he worked through his past and the death of his parents, and opened himself to life, but now he cannot be with Harry, and, having suffered two great losses now, he is still, horribly, utterly alone. My heart and spirit goes to Adam...but perhaps he has the strength now to either endure/reframe the idea of loneliness as well as the openness to allow someone else in to his life.
Recommend? Yes. It contains not only an incredibly moving, touching, tender story but also presents some of the finest performances on film. The film and actors have won several awards already including from the British Independent Film Awards, the London Film Critics' Circle, the Los Angeles Film Critics Association Awards, and as of this writing has received six BAFTA nominations (awards given February 18, 2024).
John Koenig is the marvelous author of THE DICTIONARY OF OBSCURE SORROWS, a book of neologisms to express new terms for subtle emotions. His made up words are combinations of word roots from languages all around the world. While the words themselves might sound clinical, their definitions are lyrical and touching. I have felt a few of these and am happy to know others have too...and that we finally have names for them, thanks to Koenig's imagination!
1. Chrysalism
[kris-a-lizim] The feeling of tranquility when you’re indoors when it’s raining heavily outside.
2. Lilo
[ly-lo] The friendship between two people who feel as if no time has passed when they see each other after a long period of separation.
3. Sonder
[son-der] The realization that every stranger and passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own. That each person is occupied by their own personal ambitions, worries, and problems.
4. Monachopsis
[mo-na-kop-sis] The inability to adapt to your surroundings and the feeling of being out of place.
5. Eramnesia
[eram-nee-ja] The realization that you were born in the wrong time period, wishing you lived in another time.
6. Anemoia
[an-em-oh-ya] The feeling of nostalgia for a time or place that you have never experienced.
7. Pâro
[pah-ro] The feeling that no matter what you do, you’re doing it wrong.
8. Xeno
[zee-noh] The powerful moments shared between random strangers, such as a smile or a laugh, which reduce feelings of loneliness.
9. Acatalepsy
[aka-ta-lep-sy] The apparent impossibility of humans ever comprehending the universe.
10. Liberosis
[lib-ero-sis] The desire to care less about things, to feel less.
Wow, I am so glad to hear some new music from Gem Club, the nom de musique of Christopher Barnes (previously here). This new track "Spirit & Decline" is just tremblingly, agonizingly beautiful. Although the song has apparently been around for a little while, he just officially released it earlier this year and I am really hoping this means a new full release is on the horizon.
hushed among the bells
the arrow struck your shoulder
forced to the ground
with the shredded pulp
of red apples
and you're near
your hands are touching hands
and you're near
the violence swells with its song
i am starting to lose focus
the distance in decline
while i'm watching your spirit
rise
watched for the point
when you'd wake from it
with the sun against your back
For National Poetry Month 2021, I have presented special poems by special poets each Wednesday. And for our final installation of poets for this year, let's meditate on this incredibly atmospheric, profound poem by the talented Daniel Schonning. He has miraculously managed to examine all the "big" life issues in a small space--life, death, religion, love, and the existential question of being.
Abecedarian “G”
by Daniel Schonning
God says to the meek one, “On Sunday mornings, have them say ‘Yes’—say ‘Yes,’ brightly.
Have them nestle dollar bills in the knots of elm trees; use three times the zest in their lemon curds.
If it’s snowing, open the flue and start up the fire. Tell them there’s a double-dutch
jumprope with their name on it. Paint the windows violet, paint the lattice pink. Tell them every
knock-kneed great blue heron is just like me: long legs, quick eyes, and chock-full of
longing. Tell them I’ve got a real doozy of a crossword clue that I just can’t get—eight letters, ends with an x.” So the
meek one says, “All right”—goes to the window, sets his yellow workgloves on the sill. He could
not be more tired. His fingers have that tingling feeling, like they’re boiling—it must be below zero
outside, he thinks, too cold for walking. But it’s plenty warm in here. If he’s honest, the meek one’s had
one hell of a day. His mother’s dying—can only eat bananas, milk, and bits of uncooked dough. He just can’t
put it out of his mind. Her voice is thinning out a little more each morning: when she wakes up crying, it sounds like a kestrel
singing from far off. Sounds like she’s got a
question stuck in her throat. What that means to the meek one, he doesn’t know—for now, he’s waiting for the snow to fall a little
softer, for the
room to darken, so he can set out—keep x-ing the boxes on his to-do list. At least it’s warm here, he thinks. God says to the
meek one, “On
Sunday evenings, have them bundle their children in blankets made of pansies—yellow over blue—then hunker down for the
night. And if they have to leave, remind them
to zip up their coats—it’s cold, ice cold, out there. In the crawl space
under that double-wide, there’s a nest of jaybirds—tell them not to look, or the birds are prone to
vanish. Ask if, sometimes, everyone would just keep quiet.
When a foghorn lows at night, pours itself out on the salt reeds and beaches, rattles the pier’s
x-shaped pilons and sets the gulls flying, ask if they’ll just listen.” So the meek one says, “All right”—keeps looking through the
window. There’s a grove of
young aspen trees—“daughters,” they’re called—laid bare by the cold. The meek one is not sure they’ll make it. As a gray
snowbird
zips from one naked branch to the next, the meek one thinks
about his mother. She’ll be getting hungry soon. She mostly stays in bed, but yesterday the meek one found her crumpled on the
bathroom floor. Her long hair—always in a neat, high bun—was spread wide on the slate, bright as zinc. One summer, when the
roads were dirt and the roof was tin, a thunderhead
crawled through town like a freight train—no rain, no hail, just hot wind and lightning. At the time, the meek one’s mother said
the storm could take the house right off its feet; would
draw the meek one clear up to heaven if he didn’t just stay put in that bathroom, hold tight to the hot water valve, and hope—said
she’d be right back. But the meek one couldn’t help it. When the storm shook the house, he ran to the main room and peered
out the window.
Even in the half-light, the meek one saw his mother at once. She was lying on the knoll outside,
holding quick to two fistfuls of grass—watching the black cloud fill and empty with long threads
of light. She was speaking into the wind. The warm air surged against her upturned face, must
have filled her lungs—drew skyward a havoc of her black hair. At the time, the meek one
thought she might have been saying, “Please.”
From the other room, the meek one hears his mother wake, try to rise. The light dims. He slips his
gloves into his back pocket, takes up his list and marks one box with an x. Turning from the
"This Time Away": a short speculative fiction film by Magali Barbe starring Timothy Spall. A future with AI robots might not be so bad after all...if they are programmed right...
Regular readers may recall that I am a huge supporter of Pete Buttigieg--I was already on board when he announced his run for President. So I am so thrilled that Pete has been appointed by PRESIDENT-ELECT Joe Biden to be Secretary of Transportation. This marks the first time in history that an openly gay official will hold a position in a Presidential cabinet.
I couldn't be more proud of him and to support him. In his touching acceptance speech, he refers to what this milestone could mean for the next generation.
What he has done both as a Presidential candidate and now as Transportation Secretary matters. It matters a lot.
Here is his speech:
Mr. President-elect, Madam Vice President-elect, thank you for entrusting me with this opportunity to serve the American people. I am humbled by your confidence, and eager to do everything in my power to ensure that this administration succeeds.
My hometown of South Bend, Indiana, was built by the power of American transportation: from trade along the river whose bend gives our city its name, to the rail lines that connected us to the rest of the country back when we were considered the West, to the livelihoods created by good-paying union jobs at aeronautical suppliers like Bendix and the giant auto assembly of Studebaker. And now, climate and infrastructure innovation have helped bring my community into the 21st century.
I’ve also had a personal love of transportation ever since childhood. More than once, as a college student, I would convince a friend to travel nearly a thousand miles back to Indiana on Amtrak, though I know that in this administration, I will at best be the second biggest train enthusiast. I spent a spring break in graduate school studying on board a cargo ship. Travel in my mind is synonymous with adventure, growth, and, even love, so much so that I proposed to my husband, Chasten, in an airport terminal. Don’t let anyone tell you O’Hare isn’t romantic.
And let me take this chance to thank Chasten for all that he does, and for his sacrifices, to support me in pursuing public service.
The first time I ran for office was on a platform of supporting the Obama-Biden administration’s rescue of the auto industry. And when I became mayor of a city fighting its way out of the teeth of the Great Recession, infrastructure was at the heart of our vision.
We reimagined how vehicles and people moved through the city, unlocking new vibrancy in our urban core. We built up partnerships, from a regional collaboration to improve rail service to the public-private partnership that put our city at the cutting edge of bicycle mobility. We developed new forms of support for lower-wage workers in their commutes, and added electric vehicle charging infrastructure to help prepare a more sustainable future.
I also dealt with the challenges created by generations of inadequate state and federal infrastructure funding. With just enough resources to repave every lane-mile of street only every hundred years or so, I faced a constant battle with that natural enemy of every mayor: potholes. In a community where more than a quarter of our residents lived in poverty, we worked to fill in the gaps that were created when underfunded transit resources left too many cut off from opportunity, just because they did not have the means to own a car.
At its best, transportation makes the American Dream possible, getting people and goods to where they need to be, directly and indirectly creating good-paying jobs. At its worst, misguided policies and missed opportunities can reinforce racial and economic inequality, dividing or isolating neighborhoods, undermining government’s basic role of empowering Americans to thrive.
Now, we have a historic opportunity. This administration can deliver policies and resources in transportation that will create jobs, rise to the climate challenge, and equitably serve all Americans. America has given President-elect Biden a mandate to build back better--and step one in building back better, literally, is to build.
Americans should not settle for less than our peers in the developed world when it comes to our roads and bridges, our railways and transit systems. The U.S. should lead the way—and under this administration, I know it will. We’ll bring together leaders and communities from every corner—labor and business, left right and center, urban and rural, communities of color, tribal nations, all who have a stake in American infrastructure--to design a better future. Americans expect us to associate the idea of “infrastructure week” with results, and never again let it be a media punch line.
My view of this opportunity is also shaped by being the youngest member named so far to this cabinet, and the first Millennial to be at that table. Newer generations have a lot at stake in infrastructure policy that, by its nature, must contemplate both the immediate and the long-term. The question of how America will look by the middle of this century--the competitiveness of our economy, the security of our climate--for me this is not academic, it’s personal.
I am also mindful of the eyes of history on this appointment – knowing this is the first time an American president has ever sent an openly LGBTQ cabinet nominee to the Senate for confirmation.
I can remember watching the news, seventeen years old, and seeing a story about an appointee of President Clinton, named to be an ambassador, attacked and ultimately denied a vote in the Senate, because he was gay - ultimately able to serve only by a recess appointment.
I followed that story closely. I had no aspirations, then, of being appointed by a president to anything—at that age, I was hoping to be an airline pilot. And I was a long way from coming out, even to myself. But still, I watched, and I learned about some of the limits that exist in this country when it comes to who is allowed to belong at which tables. And just as important, I saw how those limits could be challenged.
So, two decades later, I can’t help but think of a seventeen-year-old who might be watching right now, someone who wonders whether and where they belong in the world, or even in their own family, and I’m thinking about the message today’s announcement is sending to them.
So thank you, Mr. President-elect, for the commitment to diversity that you are showing as you assemble this administration. And thank you, Madam Vice President-elect, for your trailblazing leadership, your encouragement, and your friendship.
There is no greater source of meaning in professional life than the chance to serve others. I felt it every time I laced up my boots when I was in the military. I felt it every day serving my community as mayor. And I feel it here today, joining this historic team, with such an important mission, as we prepare to deliver for all Americans.
The basis for Megan Constance Altieri's fabric/clothing art project Sonder is powerful in its simplicity.
Sonder illustrates the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as our own. In our awareness of even a single other person we begin to grasp the magnitude of the 7.6 billion coexisting realities all as specific and important as one another. Over the past four years, Altieri has gathered fragments of overheard conversations and hand-stamped them on articles of clothing matching those of the speaker. Displaying these garments on a series of clotheslines illustrates nakedness and openness, encouraging viewers to embrace vulnerability. Viewing these articles collectively challenges our capacity for empathy, curiosity, and awareness of others. Sonder seeks to help us grasp the beautiful complexities of humanity by allowing a momentary escape from our own lens. In exchange for our perspective, we are offered a truer understanding of our identity as a dot among a sea of dots. It recognizes that any hope of a richer perspective of humanity begins with acute awareness of others.
I love this idea as it mirrors an on-going project of my own. For the past thirty years, I too have kept a running journal of snippets of overheard public conversations, just like Altieri. I'll share some highlights at the end of this post, but first, let's take a look at a 2018 installation of Sonder mounted at the Grand Rapids Public Museum, Michigan.
Altieri's Sonder project is ongoing and its most recent installation was at the Saugatuk Center for the Arts in Michigan which closed just this month, September 2020. Here is a wonderful video made for the installation that features an interview with Altieri.
And as promised, here is my selected list of fascinating, odd, funny, or moving phrases and sentences I have overheard from conversations in public. I have heard these walking behind or passing someone on the street, or from a booth behind me in a restaurant...
“Yeah, it’s true... they all have that hair that sticks up in the back...” “Joe always says he’d shoot the tires but no, I’d aim right at the driver and shoot his f***ing head off.” “...and that’s somethin’ you’re s’posed to be proud of?” “That boy can sing.” “…and he goes, ‘You must have a real low opinion of me’…” “…he’s coming later but for now it’s nailed shut.” “It goes loop, loop then like this, and you’re all…” “Well, ya hafta identify the issues…” “He calls this kid over and says, ‘Go up to Uncle Isadore’…” “Was my father thrown completely out of the car in the accident?” “She was standing right next to the phone so there was no excuse.” “Will you help me find a waffle iron?” “He’s a dock worker in San Francisco but in his spare time he’s a philosopher and he writes these books.” “He said, ‘I’ve got something for your nerves…’” “I wasn’t flirting consciously…” “The things that people think they can self-help themselves into…” “My husband’s was approved, signed and stamped.” “I HAVE THINGS TO DO! I’M A MAN!!!” “All the Ken dolls were Dr. Kildare.” “It makes me mad and I gotta get outta there before I have a melt down.” “You’re an old drunk and you don’t know shit.” “You know this. Your husband is a rabbit.” “The pathologist is a really nice guy.” “I put on this skirt and I went out and I took it off and I, like, swung it around…” “That woman says it when she’s dying.” “Imagine what you would wear if you were safe.” “The universe is no big deal.” “Remember how it used to be shiny?” ”Did John seem more relaxed to you?” “Just a white dress, no jacket, no nothing.” “…standing up in a hammock…” “I’ll show you my nipple!” “Gosh, it’s been fifteen years since I started an I.V.!” “Wake up, eat, f**k…” “I have two who are really good with math, and one who is…‘creative.’ But that’s a good thing!” “Didn’t you go to jail?” “…but the funniest thing in the world is me eating dinner with a girl and me farting…” “I don’t hate you, I’m just saying that I don’t NOT like you.” “The last champagne I had made me sick to my stomach.” “I feel like a murderer, like there are severed heads everywhere…” “Me, I spend every waking minute worrying about American Express.” “That was the day I called you from the driveway when my mom was in that knife fight.” “When did you go to Vegas and is that where your friend had the heart attack?”
"Oh, By The Way" is my digital scrap book of things I like, things I would share with a close friend and say: “Oh, by the way, do you know of this artist/ clothing or interior designer/ model/ singer/ actor/ gorgeous man… or, have you seen this video/ photo/ film... or heard (or do you remember) this song/ band... or, read this book/ poem/ inspiring quote... or, visited this place/ museum/ restaurant/ famous building... or, have you heard of this amazing new scientific discovery?”
I am dedicated to posting the positive, the fascinating, the beautiful, the interesting, the moving, and the inspiring and uplifting. Sometimes I post cultural as well as personal observations, milestones, and remembrances. And just like life, all of these things may often have a bit of melancholy or even sadness in them, which is what makes our time here so lovely and bittersweet and precious.
Some of the photos, art, poetry, and prose are my own original work, credited with my initials, JEF. When it isn't, I always try to post links to the original source material, but often I find photos on the web that are not linked or other material that is not sourced. In these instances, I post them without malice since it is assumed that such things, by being globally posted on something as uncontrollable as the internet to begin with, are in the public domain. If you identify the source of an image that is not linked, please politely let me know (without accusing me of theft, please) and I will be happy to provide a link. If you are the owner of an image and would prefer it be removed, I am happy to do that as well (again, without accusing me of theft, please).
I hope to inspire and entertain my readers with things that inspire and entertain me. There is a startling amount of beauty and creativity in the world and it enriches us all to participate in it.
All-time Favorite Films
2001: A Space Odyssey (Kubrick)
After Hours (Hysterical, hair-raising ride through NYC at night)
Amelie
American Beauty (Alan Ball)
Baraka (Stunning, transcending—the "spiritus mundi" on film)
Belle et Bete (Cocteau)
Big Sleep, The (The epitome of film noir)
Bringing Up Baby (Hepburn & Grant—the epitome of screwball comedy)
Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover, The (Greenaway)
Crash (Cronenberg—DIFFICULT subject, not for everyone)
Don’t Look Now (Nicolas Roeg—ultimate modern gothic horror)
Drowning By Numbers (Greenaway)
Easy Rider
Edward II (Derek Jarman)
Erendira (From magic realist Marquez’ brilliant short story)
Eyes Wide Shut (Kubrick's last film)
Fearless (Jeff Bridges—life and death)
Funny Bones (Leslie Caron, Jerry Lewis, and the brilliant Lee Evans)
Holiday (Hepburn & Grant)
Howard’s End (The ultimate statement of the unfairness of class systems)
